5. Looking after children

5. Looking after children

Chapter 45. A child is a source of both honour and cowardice

84. ‘A’isha said, “Abu Bakr said, ‘By Allah, there is no man on the face of the earth that I love better than ‘Umar.’ Then he went out and came back and said, ‘How did I swear, daughter?’ I told him what he had said. Then he said, ‘He is dearer to me although one’s child is closer (to one’s heart).'”
Grade: Hasan (Sound)
Commentary: A person could take an oath while making a statement to indicate its importance. Since the children are closer to one’s heart, one naturally tends to give much attention to spending upon them and their general upbringing such that it may lead to being stingy and timid towards others.

85. Ibn Abi Nu’m said, “I was with Ibn ‘Umar when a man asked him about the blood of gnats. He asked, ‘Where are you from?’ ‘From the people of Iraq,’ he replied. He said, ‘Look at this man! He asks about the blood of gnats when they murdered the grandson of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace! I heard the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘They are my sweet basil in this world.'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: The community where a person comes from greatly influences his dispositions; so, the teacher may inquire about that – especially when no harm is feared thereby – to enable him properly place the question of the student and its response. Ibn Battal (الله رحمه (said: “it can be deduced from the narration that it is obligatory to give preference (during an admonition or while answering a question) to something more obligatory on a person.” Children are from the precious gifts of Allah the Exalted, endeared to people; so the child is smelled and kissed, and referred to as Rayhaan (the sweetflower) as the sweet flower is loved, smelled and kissed.

Chapter 46. Carrying a child on one’s shoulders

86. Al-Bara’ said, “I saw the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, when al-Hasan was on his shoulder. He was saying, ‘O Allah, I love him, so love him.'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: The hadeeth shows the modesty of the Prophetﷺ and his love for children, for he was kind to al-Hasan ; he placed him on his shoulder and supplicated for him. It is from the Sunnah to love al-Hasan and al-Husain; but as our love for the Messengerﷺ must be within the limits of the Sharee’ah, we must not overstep the proper limits of the Sharee’ah also, in our love for al-Hasan and al-Husain and any other creature: “Allah loves not the trangressors”.

Chapter 47. A child is a source of joy

87. Jubayr ibn Nufayr said, “One day we were sitting when al-Miqdad ibn al-Aswad when a man passed us. The man said, ‘Blessing be to those two eyes which saw the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. By Allah, I wish that I had seen what you have seen and witnessed what you have witnessed!’ This angered al-Miqdad and that surprised me as the man had said nothing but good things. Then he turned to them and said, ‘What made the man desire to summon back what Allah has taken away? Does he not realise what his situation would be if he had seen him? By Allah, if certain people had been with the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, Allah would have thrown them on their faces into Hellfire since they would neither have answered nor confirmed him? Do you not praise Allah Almighty since He brought you forth and you only know your Lord and confirm what your Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, brought? You see enough affliction in other people. By Allah, the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was sent in the harshest state in which any Prophet was ever sent – in a gap (in the line of prophethood) and the time of Ignorance. They did not believe that the deen was better than worshipping idols. He brought the Discrimination by which it is possible to discriminate between the true and false, and which can part a father from his child. Then a man will think of his father, child or brother as an unbeliever. Allah has loosened the locks of his heart by faith and he knows that the other person will be destroyed in the Fire. Therefore his eye is not cool since he knows that the one he loves will be in the Fire. It is what Allah says, “Those who say, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our wives and children.” (25:74)'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: This hadeeth highlightthe following: (1) The love and respect the Taabi’oon had for the companions of Allah’s Messengerﷺ. (2) The teacher should correct the student if he errs and always guide him to that which is right. (3) One should not wish to be present in a place or witness an event from which Allah has kept one absent. (4) Linking up with people is not praiseworthy in every situation and severing relations with them is not also absolutely blameworthy. It is blameworthy for one to follow his near relatives in their disbelief if they give preference to that over Eemaan (faith). (5) One should show concern for his relatives even if they are non-Muslims, strongly wishing them to be guided to Islam. (6) One should seek to marry pious women with the intention to have pious children who will be trained to become pious servants of Allah and coolness of one’s eyes.

Chapter 48. A person who makes supplication that his friend will have a lot of money and many children

88. Anas said, “One day I visited the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and there was only myself, my mother and my aunt, Umm Hiram. When he came to us, he asked us, ‘Shall I pray with you?’ It was not the time of an obligatory prayer.” One of those listening to the person relating this asked, “Where did he put in Anas in relation to him?” The reply was, “He put him to his right.”
The report from Anas continues, “Then he prayed with us and made supplication for us, the people of the house, that we would have the best of the blessings of this world and the Next. My mother said, ‘Messenger of Allah, make supplication to Allah for your little servant,’ and he asked Allah to grant me every blessing. At the end of his supplication, he said, ‘O Allah, grant him a lot of money and many children and bless him!'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: The hadeeth contains the following points of benefit: (1) The leader should visit his adherents as was the practice of the Prophetﷺ. (2) The Taabi’oon showed great interest in the matters of the religion especially the prayer. (3) The one who prays alone with the imam should stand on the right side of the imam and not on his left side, nor behind him. (4) One could request a person whose religion is trusted to supplicate for him; and such supplications could be made in the presence of the one who requested for it. (5) The parent should always seek and follow the means by which the child earns the blessings of this World and the Hereafter. Umm Sulaim had given her son, Anas to the service of the Prophetﷺ at the prophet’s arrival in Madeenah. So Anas was nurtured in the prophetic household; he was there until the Prophetﷺ died. (6) It is encouraged to ask Allah for abundant wealth and many children as they are both from the favors of Allah. Quite badly, many abort pregnancies today for the flimsiest reason and seek other means of reducing child birth! (7) It is legitimate also, to beseech Allah for long life as is contained in other wordings of the same hadeeth, just as one supplicates for wealth and children. This does not contradict preordainment. (8) The prophet’s supplication for Anas was granted; he lived for over a hundred years, he had over a hundred and twenty children and grand children, and was one of the richest among the Ansar.

Chapter 49. Mothers are merciful

89. Anas ibn Malik said, “A woman came to ‘A’isha and ‘A’isha gave her three dates. She gave each of her two children a date and kept one date for herself. The children ate the two dates and then looked at their mother. She took her date and split in it two and gave each child half of it. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came and ‘A’isha told him about it. He said, ‘Are you surprised at that? Allah will show her mercy because of her mercy towards her child.'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: This shows the kindness of the mother for her child, and that being merciful to others, especially the children and near relatives earns one Allah’s mercy. It also encourages towards giving in charity, and evinces the permissibility of mentioning a good deed one performed if doing so will not lead to pride.

Chapter 50. Kissing Children

90. ‘A’isha said, “A bedouin came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and asked, “Do you kiss your children? We do not kiss them.’ The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Can I put mercy in your hearts after Allah has removed it from them?'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: This narration encourages kissing children, and that doing so is from soft-heartedness. One of the ways to correct the one who errs is to point out the error and mention the evil in it. The hadeeth also points to the fact that the actions of the limbs impact upon the soul.

91. Abu Hurayra said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, kissed Hasan ibn ‘Ali while al-Aqra’ ibn Habis at-Tamimi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra’ observed, ‘I have ten children and I have kissed any of them.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, looked at him and said, ‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'” (Authentic)
Garde: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: That is, whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy by Allah, he will not be rewarded by the Most-Merciful for being merciful. The Prophet’sﷺ love and care for children and his maintenance of the ties of kinship is shown in this narration. It also mentions the virtue of al-Hasan. The hadeeth shows the modesty of the Prophetﷺ and his love for children, for he was kind to al-Hasan ; he placed him on his shoulder and supplicated for him. It is from the Sunnah to love al-Hasan and al-Husain; but as our love for the Messengerﷺ must be within the limits of the Sharee’ah, we must not overstep the proper limits of the Sharee’ah also, in our love for al-Hasan and al-Husain and any other creature: “Allah loves not the trangressors”

Chapter 51. The parent teaching adab and his duty towards his child

92. Numayr ibn Aws said, “They used to say, ‘Correct action is a gift from Allah, but adab comes from the parents.”
Grade: Da’eef (Weak)

93.An-Nu’man ibn Bashir said that his father had carried him to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. He said, ‘Messenger of Allah, I testify to you that I have given an- Nu’man such-and-such. (It was a slave). The Prophet asked, “Have you given each of your children the same”?” “No,” he replied. He said, “Then testify to someone other than me.” Then the Prophet asked, “Do you not want to show equal kindness to all of them?” “Indeed I do,” he replied. He said, “Then do not do it.”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary:It points to the fact that the scholars could cooperate with the people in the aspects of their dealings with the members of their household, and that while giving admonitions and verdicts, they could make inquiries which will enable them properly place their statements. Parents should deal justly among their children in terms of giving gifts and exposing them to life opportunities, and shun whatever will sow the seed of discord and bring about disobedience to parents in the family. It is deduced from this hadeeth that some of the rulings of the Sharee’ah have implications that are easily understood and appreciated.

Chapter 52. The dutifulness of a father to his child

94. Ibn ‘Umar said, “Allah has called them the ‘dutiful’ (al-Abrar) because they are dutiful (birr) to their parents and children. Just as you have a duty which you owe your parent, so you have a duty which you owe your child.”
Grade: Da’eef (Weak)

Chapter 53. Someone who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy

95. Abu Sa’id that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Someone who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: That is, whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy by Allah, he will not be rewarded by the Most-Merciful for being merciful. The Prophet’sﷺ love and care for children and his maintenance of the ties of kinship is shown in this narration. It also mentions the virtue of al-Hasan.

96. Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Allah will not show mercy to someone who does not show mercy to people.”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)

97. Same as 97.
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)

98. ‘A’isha said, “Some bedouins came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. One of their men said to him, ‘Messenger of Allah, do you kiss children? By Allah, we do not kiss them.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Can I put mercy in your hearts after Allah has removed it from them?'”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: This narration encourages kissing children, and that doing so is from soft-heartedness. One of the ways to correct the one who errs is to point out the error and mention the evil in it. The hadeeth also points to the fact that the actions of the limbs impact upon the soul.

99. Abu ‘Uthman reported that ‘Umar wanted to appoint a man as governor. The governor said, “I have such-and-such a number of children and I have never kissed any of them.” ‘Umar said, “Allah Almighty will only show mercy to the kindest of His slaves.”
Grade: Hasan (Sound)
Commentary: A person who is dealing with the public should have compassion. Since this man did not show compassion towards his own children, ‘Umar withheld his offer on hearing this. The narrations in this chapter teach the importance of showing kindness and goodwill, helping the needy and putting harm away from the people.

Chapter 54. Mercy consists of a hundred parts

100. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah Almighty has divided mercy into one hundred parts. He kept ninety-nine parts and sent down one part to earth. Because of that one single part, creatures are merciful to one another so that even the mare will lift its hooves away from its foal so that it does not trample on it.”
Grade: Saheeh (Authentic)
Commentary: So if the single part sent down to the earth entails Islam; the prayer, the fasting, and the tranquility man feels in his heart among other things which are from the mercy of Allah the Mighty and Exalted, then how tremendous are the ninety-nine parts which he has kept back for the Hereafter, the everlasting abode?! The onus is upon us to show mercy to people so that we receive from this abundant mercy in the Hereafter