The Islamic Etiquettes Of Meeting Another Muslim
1) It Is Recommended To Shake The Other Person’s Hand
4) Standing To Greet One Who Has Just Arrived
5) Should A Man Kiss His Brother When He Meets Him?
6) When You Greet Someone, It Is Forbidden To Bow To Him Or Perform Prostration Before Him
The Etiquettes Of Meeting Another Muslim
The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Shake hands with one another: any hatred [that exists among you] will go away; give gifts to one another: you will end up loving one another and any enmity [that exists among you] will go away.”[At-Tamheed, 12/21]
And the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “No two Muslims meet and shake hands with one another, except that they are forgiven [their sins] before they part from one another.” [Abu Daawood, 5212]
The Islamic Etiquettes Of Meeting Another Muslim
1) It Is Recommended To Shake The Other Person’s Hand
We learn from the above-mentioned narrations that, by simply shaking a brother’s hand, our sins are forgiven and any hatred that exists among us will go away. The Prophets (Pbuh) exhorted Muslims to shake hands with one another, and the Companions (R.A) applied that guidance. Qataadah reported that he once asked Anas (R.A) “Was hand-shaking common among the Prophet’s Companions (R.A)?” He (R.A) said, “Yes.” [Bukhaaree, 6263] And in the story of when Allah (Swt) accepted his repentance, Ka’ab (R.A) said, “I entered the Masjid, and there before me was the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh). Then Talhah Ibn ‘Ubaidullah (R.A) stood and jogged toward me until he shook my hand and congratulated me.” [Al-Maghaazee, 4418]
And according to the Hadeeth of Anas (R.A) when the people of Yemen came, the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “The people of Yemen are approaching, and they have softer hearts than you.” [Anas (R.A) said,] “And they are the first who came with hand-shaking.”[Abu Daawood, 5213] Al-Baraa Ibn ‘Aazib (R.A) said, “One of the matters that makes a greeting complete is for you to shake your brother’s hand.” [Bukhaaree, 967]
When you meet your brother, it is Sunnah to shake hands with him, for doing so signifies an assurance of the verbal greetings of peace. The following is mentioned in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad: “You should know that to shake hands upon meeting [your brother] is an act of friendliness and an assurance or confirmation of the verbal greetings of peace. By verbally extending greetings of peace, you announce to your brother that he is safe from you inflicting harm upon him. Shaking hands is a pledge and an assurance to that effect. So by greeting one another and shaking hands with one another, each of the two people meeting knows that he is safe with the other.” After you have read the narrations that establish the importance and virtues of shaking hands with your brother, do not be miserly with yourself when it comes to achieving easy rewards, and do not turn away from the Sunnah!
Question: Some people have made it a custom, after compulsory prayers, to shake the Imam’s hand or to shake the hand of the worshipper sitting beside them. Is this practice legislated in Islam?
Answer: It is not legislated to [customarily] shake hands immediately after the compulsory prayers; this practice is not related from the Prophet (Pbuh) the rightly-guided Khaleefahs, or the other noble Companions (R.A).To apply this practice is an innovation in the religion, and Allah (Swt) has prohibited all innovations in the religion.
Some books of Islamic Jurisprudence (Fiqh) contain the ruling for this practice. Ibn ‘Aabideen said, “To do so regularly and specifically after the five [daily] prayers might lead ignorant people to believe that it is Sunnah to shake hands particularly on those five occasions, or that those are the most important times to shake hands. The reality is, however, that no one from our pious predecessors applied this practice.”
And this passage is in Al-Multaqit: “It is disliked to shake hands after performing the prayer, because the Companions would not do that and because it is from the ways of the Raafidah (the Shiah). Shaafi’ee scholars maintain that, since it has no source in the Shariah, it is a Bid’ah practice; and they rule that one who does it should be first warned not to do it, and if he persists, he should be severely reproached.” And the following is taken from Al-Madkhal: “It is a Bid’ah practice. In the Shariah, it is legislated for a Muslim to shake hands not after prayers but upon meeting his brother. When the Shariah legislates a practice for a certain occasion, then that is when we should apply it. So one who [regularly] shakes hands after the prayers should be warned and reproached for having done an act that is contrary to the Sunnah.”
The permanent Coucil (in Saudi Arabia) issued the following ruling: “If one did not shake his brother’s hand when he met him before the prayer, he may shake hands with him after completing his prayer, regardless of whether his prayer is obligatory or voluntary, and regardless of whether his brother is sitting to his right or to his left. But if he wants to shake his brother’s hand after an obligatory prayer, he should wait until he finishes saying the invocations that one should say after obligatory prayers. And we know of no narration that establishes the practice of worshippers greeting the Imam after the prayer is over.” [Fatwa, 3866]
Related Issue: In Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Bukhaaree reported that Salamah Ibn Wirdaan said, “I saw Anas Ibn Maalik (R.A) greeting the people; he then asked me (when I was still a child), ‘Who are you?’ I said, ‘A freed slave of Banee Laith.’ He then patted me on my head three times, saying, ‘May Allah bless you.”[Bukhaaree, 966] Based on this Hadeeth, and since doing so shows mercy to children and instills kindness in them, it is recommended to greet children and shake hands with them. By patting the young boy on his head, Anas (R.A) showed his mercy and kindness towards children.
2) It Is Forbidden To Shake The Hand Of A Woman Who Is A Stranger To You (i.e., one who, according to the Shariah, you are not allowed to be alone with)
In a narration that she narrated from her father (R.A) ‘Aaisha (R.A) the Mother of the Believers, explained how migrating women would pledge allegiance to the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh). She (R.A) said, “…When the women would affirm [their pledge] verbally, the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) would say, ‘Go, for you have pledged allegiance.’ No, by Allah, the hand of the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) never touched the hand of a [stranger] woman; instead, women would perform Bai’ah (pledge allegiance) with speech…”[Bukhaaree, 5288]
Though it was the normal practice among men to shake hands when giving Bai’ah, the Prophet (Pbuh) would have women give Bai’ah with a verbal pledge only. The Hadeeth of Umaimah Bint Rageeqah (R.A) confirms this ruling; in fact, in it is a clear prohibition of shaking hands with women. Speaking of when women would give Bai’ah to the Prophet (Pbuh) Umaimah (R.A) said, “We said, ‘Allah and His Messenger (Pbuh) are more merciful to us than we are to our own selves; come, and we will give you Bai’ah, O’ Messenger of Allah.’ The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, ‘Verily, I do not shake hands with women. What I say to 100 women (the wording for the Bai’ah) is tantamount to what I say to one woman (i.e., what I say to each woman among you) …” [Ahmad, 26466]
Ibn ‘Abdul-Barr said, “The Prophet’s saying, ‘Verily, I do not shake hands with women,’ proves that it is not permissible for a man to make any physical contact with a [stranger] woman; he may not touch her with his hand and he may not shake hands with her.”
Related Issue: Some people believe that it is permissible to shake a stranger woman’s hand from behind a barrier, such as a piece of cloth or the sleeve of one’s shirt; however, they are mistaken. It is categorically forbidden to shake a stranger woman’s hand. True, there are narrations in which it is mentioned that women would give Bai’ah to the Prophet (Pbuh) from above his garment, but those are Mursal narrations (a Mursal narration is one that is related from a Taabi’ee, who related from the Prophet (Pbuh) without mentioning the name of the Companion from whom he took the narration), which are not strong enough to counter the clear, authentic narrations that forbid the shaking of hands with women strangers. About the narrations which mention that women would give Bai’ah to the Prophet (Pbuh) from above his garment, Al-Albaanee said, “They are all Mursal; Al-Haafidh mentioned them in Al-Fath (8/488), so one may not use them as proofs, especially considering the fact that they contradict narrations that are more authentic than them…”
3) When You Shake Someone’s Hand, It Is Recommended To Hold On, So That He Is The First To Draw His Hand Away
Anas Ibn Maalik (R.A) said, “If a man faced the Prophet (Pbuh) and shook his hand, the Prophet (Pbuh) would not pull his hand away from that man’s hand, so that the man would be the one to pull his hand away…”[At-Tirmidhee, 2490] We learn from this Hadeeth that it is recommended not only to shake hands but also to prolong the duration of the handshake, but of course not to the degree of hardship or discomfort.
Question: When two people shake hands and when they both prolong the duration of the handshake, which of the two should be the first to draw his hand away?
Answer: Shaikh Taciee-Ud-Deen said, “The rule in this situation is this: whoever is almost sure that the other party will draw his hand away should keep his hand [locked in the handshake]. Were it recommended for both of them to hold on to the other person’s hand, the handshake would continue indefinitely. And the principle mentioned by ‘Abdul-Qaadirt is good – that the one who should draw his hand away is the one who initiated the handshake.”
4) Standing To Greet One Who Has Just Arrived
There are three ways you can stand to confer some kind of honor upon another person:
1) You can stand while the other person is sitting down; tyrants have their subjects stand to honor them in this way.
2) You can stand to welcome someone who is arriving from outside; doing so is permissible.
3) You can stand when you see someone you know; scholars disagree about the permissibility of this kind of standing.
That you may not stand to honor someone who is sitting down is proven by the following Hadeeth. Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah (R.A) said, “The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) was ill, and so we prayed behind him while he was sitting down. Abu Bakr (R.A) would make people hear the Prophet’s Takbeer [i.e., when the Prophet (Pbuh) would say Takbeer (“Allahuakbar,” Allah is the Greatest), Abu Bakr (R.A) would say it in a loud voice so that everyone could hear]. The Prophet (Pbuh) turned toward us and saw us standing; he signaled us [to sit down], and so we sat down. We all followed him in his prayer, sitting down. After his Sallam (i.e., when he said, ‘Assalaamu ‘Alaikum Warahmatullah,‘ signaling the end of the prayer), he (Pbuh) said, ‘Earlier, you almost did what the people of Faaris and Rome do; they stand before their kings, who remain seated. Therefore, do not do so. Follow your Imams; if he (your Imam) prays standing, then pray standing. And if he prays sitting down, then pray sitting down.’ [Muslim, 413]
Without a doubt, this form of standing is forbidden; the Hadeeth clearly states that it is forbidden for people to stand before their leaders and honored ones (when the latter ones are seated). And as I said, it was tyrants who would make their subjects stand before them in this manner.
We except from this rule situations of necessity. For example, if a man fears that he will be physically attacked, it is okay for someone to stand over him as guard. Also, one may stand in this manner if one intends to honor his brother and at the same time humiliate an enemy; this situation is exemplified by an incident that occurred during Sulh-Al-Hudaibiyyah. The Quraish would send men to negotiate with the Prophet (Pbuh) and when those emissaries would come, Al-Mugheerah Ibn Sho’bah (R.A) would stand over the head of the Messenger (Pbuh) with a sword in his hand, honoring the Messenger (Pbuh) and at the same time humiliating the emissaries that would come from the Quraish.
The second category of standing for another person is a point of general agreement: it is permissible to stand and welcome someone who is arriving from outside. In his Muwatta, Imam Maalik related the story of ‘Ikrimah Ibn Abee Jahl (R.A) accepting Islam. In it, he reported the following: “…He then accepted Islam and went to the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) during the Year of the [Makkah] Conquest. As soon as the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) saw him, he rushed to him, in a state of joy, having nothing upon him except his robe, until he (‘Ikrimah R.A) gave Bai’ah to him…” [At-Tamheed, 12/52] And we have hitherto mentioned the story of Ka’ab’s repentance and of Talhah (R.A) standing to meet him and congratulate him. Ka’ab (R.A) said, “I entered the Masjid, and the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) was there before me. Then Talhah Ibn ‘Ubaidullah (R.A) stood and jogged toward me, until he shook my hand and congratulated me.”
And scholars differ about the third category – standing upon seeing someone. One proof that is cited in regards to this issue is the Hadeeth of Abu Mujliz. He said that Mu’aawiyah (R.A) once went out and passed by ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Aamir (R.A) and ‘Abdullah Ibn Az-Zubair (R.A) who were both seated. Upon seeing Mu’aawiyah (R.A) Ibn ‘Aamir (R.A) stood, while Ibn Az-Zubair (R.A) the more composed of the two, remained seated. Mu’aawiyah (R.A) said, “The Prophet (Pbuh) said,“Whomsoever it pleases that Allah’s slaves should appear before him, standing up, then let him take a house [for himself’ in the Hellfire.” [Bukhaaree, 977]
And the following is the wording of Abu Daawood’s narration: Muaawiyah (R.A) then said to ‘Aamir (R.A), “Sit, for I indeed heard the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) say, ‘Whoever loves that men should appear before him, standing up, then let him take his seat in the Hellfire.”[Sunan Abu Daawood, 5229]
Though scholars are in disagreement in regards to the issue in question, they all cite this Hadeeth as evidence to support their respective views. Some scholars maintain that this Hadeeth proves that it is disliked to stand before leaders and respected members of society, for that is what people would do for the leaders of Faris and Rome. They equate this Hadeeth with the aforementioned Hadeeth of Muslim: both prove that it is disliked to stand at the head of a person who is seated, an act of veneration that people of other nations would perform for their leaders.
Other scholars say that the Hadeeth proves that it is disliked to stand for someone upon seeing him arrive from elsewhere; they say that the text of the narration clearly expresses that ruling. Mu’aawiyah (R.A) related the Prophet’s words when Ibn ‘Aamir (R.A) stood upon seeing him. The timing of Mu’aawiyah’s words, therefore, is significant to the meaning of the narration. Furthermore, Ibn Az-Zubair (R.A) did not contradict Mu’aawiyah’s statement, which shows that he shared Mu’aawiyah’s view.
This second group of scholars attempts to refute those who say that Mu’aawiyah’s Hadeeth only proves that it is forbidden to stand for someone who is sitting down. They say that the act of standing for someone who is seated was not even known to the Arabs; it was a practice that was common only to the people of Faris and Rome. Therefore, the narration must indicate a more general prohibition. And yet another group of scholars take this from the Hadeeth: if one stands to glorify the other person, then that is disliked. But if one stands simply to honor him, then there is no harm in that. Al-Ghazaalee and Ibn Hajr are among those who hold this view.
In the following words, Ibn Taymiyyah summarized the entire issue: It was not customary for our pious predecessors, during the lifetime of the Prophet (Pbuh) and his rightly-guided Khaleefahs, to stand whenever they saw the Prophet (Pbuh) which is what many people do [today (i.e, they stand whenever they see someone they know)]. In fact, Anas Ibn Maalik (R.A) said, “They loved no person more than they loved the Prophet (Pbuh) yet when they would see him, they would not stand for him, because they knew that he disliked that.”[Bukhaaree, 946] On the other hand, they would sometimes stand for someone who was absent but then arrived, in order to receive and welcome him. Such is related from the Prophet (Pbuh) who stood for ‘Ikrimah (R.A). And when Sa’ad Ibn Mu’aadh was approaching, the Prophet (Pbuh) said to the Ansaar, “Stand to your chief” [Bukhaaree, 6262]
Sa’ad (R.A) was arriving to issue judgment regarding Banu Quraidhah, who agreed to have him judge in their matter. People should accustom themselves to follow our predecessors in what they were upon during the lifetime of the Prophet (Pbuh) after all, they constituted the best generation of this Nation. The best speech is Allah’s Speech, and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (Pbuh). No one, therefore, should deviate from the guidance of the best human being or from the guidance of the best generation, choosing instead to follow a guidance that is lesser in goodness. One who holds sway [among people (i.e., a person of authority)] should not approve of his companions if they stand for him upon every common, regular encounter. If people stand to receive someone who is returning from a journey or for someone in similar circumstances, then that is good.
Also, if it is a custom among people to welcome a comer by standing, and if one knows this custom and not the Sunnah whereby he will feel insulted or wronged if people do not stand to meet him, then it is better to stand, because doing so is more likely to keep people on amiable terms and away from hatred and malice. On the other hand, if one knows that the custom of people is in accordance with the Sunnah in this issue, people will not harm him (his ego) by not standing for him.
Ibn Hajr said, “In general, whenever not standing leads to harm or to a person feeling insulted (because people in that society customarily stand for someone who is arriving from elsewhere), [people should stand]. Ibn ‘Abdus-Salaam alluded to that meaning.”
5) Should A Man Kiss His Brother When He Meets Him?
Unlike the situation in our societies today, neither the Companions (R.A), nor those who came after them from our pious predecessors would kiss one another when they would meet. Narrations that establish the practice of kissing upon meeting one’s brother are not strong enough to counter the clear Hadeeth that forbids kissing upon the occasion of meeting one’s brother. Al-Albaanee listed the Ahadeeth that establish the practice of one kissing his brother upon meeting him, and he pointed out that they are all defected and thus cannot be used as proofs. Furthermore, if we suppose that they are acceptable, it is not permissible to use them to counter an authentic Hadeeth. And that authentic Hadeeth in this issue is related by Anas Ibn Maalik (R.A) who said, “A man said, ‘O Messenger of Allah (Pbuh), when one of us meets his brother, may he bow for him?’ The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, ‘No.’
The man said, ‘Then may he hug him and kiss him?’ The Messengers (Pbuh) said, ‘No.’
He then said, ‘Then may he shake his hand?’ The Messenger (Pbuh) said, “‘Yes, if he wants.”[At-Tirmidhee, 2728]
Although the Hadeeth clearly forbids bowing and kissing for regular, common encounters, it does not forbid hugging someone when he arrives after having been absent for a while or after he returns from a journey, a ruling that is established based on the Hadeeth of Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah (R.A) Jaabir (R.A) reported that he heard that a companion of the Prophet (Pbuh) who was in Ash-Sham at the time, had with him a Hadeeth he himself had not heard. Jaabir. (R.A) wanted to hear it directly from that companion; he later related, “So I bought a camel, and I tied my saddlebag to it, [traveling] for one month, until I reached Ash-Sham, where I encountered ‘Abdullah Ibn Unais (R.A) (i.e., the Companion (R.A) whom he was seeking out). I announced [to a messenger] that Jaabir (R.A) is at the door. The messenger then returned and asked, ‘Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah?’ to which I responded, ‘Yes.’ He (‘Abdullah Ibn Unais (R.A)) then came out and hugged me. I said, ‘Ahadeeth reached me that I have not yet heard, and I feared that I or you would die [before I could hear it].”‘ Abdullah Ibn Unais then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) say, ‘When Allah will gather His slaves, they will be naked, uncircumcised, and Buhman.’
We asked, ‘What is Buhman?’ He (Pbuh) said, ‘They will not have anything with them. Then He (Allah Swt) will call out to them with a voice that those far off will hear (and I think he Swt said, ‘just as those nearby will hear): I am the King. No one from the people of Paradise should enter Paradise while someone from the people of the Hellfire demands restitution from him for some wrong. And no one from the people of the Hellfire should enter the Hellfire while someone from the people of Paradise demands restitution from him for some wrong.‘
I said, ‘And how is that (how will there be restitution)? For when we will go to Allah, we will be naked and Buhman (without any possession)?’ He Swt said, “[Restitution will be made] with [the exchange of] good and bad deeds.“[Bukhaaree, 970]
Related Issue: One way a father shows his love and compassion for his children is to kiss them; the Prophet (Pbuh) would kiss his children and his grandchildren – Hasan and Husain (R.A) and Abu Bakr (R.A) would kiss his daughter, ‘Aaisha (R.A) These facts are so famous and established in numerous authentic narrations that we do not need to relate those narrations and refer you to their sources.
Another Related Issue: Scholars disagree about the practice of kissing a person’s hand. One group says that you may do so if you are bestowing honor of the religious kind; however, it is not permissible to do so if you are bestowing honor of the worldly kind. An example of the former is when Abu ‘Ubaidah (R.A) kissed the hand of ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab (R.A). As for the latter kind, the only exception to the above-mentioned ruling is if you fear punishment or physical harm from a tyrant, for example. One example this group of scholars cites for kissing a person’s hand to confer honor of the religious kind is related from ‘Abdullah, the son of Imam Ahmad. ‘Abdullah said, “I saw many scholars, Fuqahaa (scholars of jurisprudence), Muhaddithoon (Hadeeth scholars), people from Banu Haashim, from the Quraish, and from the Ansaar – all kissing him (referring to his father), some on his hand and some on his head.”
Other scholars have disliked the practice of kissing a person’s hand – even if it is to bestow honor of the religious kind – calling it the ‘lesser prostration.’ Sulaimaan Ibn Harb said, “It is the lesser prostration. As for someone intentionally initiating the practice by holding out his hand to people, so that they can kiss it, that is forbidden, no matter who he is; no one disagrees about this ruling. Disagreement [among scholars] arises in this issue when the person who wants to kiss the other person’s hand initiates the practice [by taking hold of the other person’s hand and raising it to his lips].”
6) When You Greet Someone, It Is Forbidden To Bow To Him Or Perform Prostration Before Him
Anas Ibi Maalik (R.A) said, “A man said, ‘0 Messenger of Allah, when one of us meets his brother, may he bow for him?’ The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, ‘No.’
The man said, ‘Then may he hug him and kiss him?’ The Messenger (Pbuh) said, ‘No’.
He then said, ‘Then may he shake his hand?’ The Messenger (Pbuh) said, ‘Yes, if he wants.”[At-Tirmidhee, 2728]
The Hadeeth is clear in its categorical prohibition of bowing before another created being; this is because we may only bow, as we do in prayer, to the Creator, Allah at (Swt). If this is the ruling for bowing, then there is even more cause for the same ruling to apply to prostrating.
Ibn Taymiyyah said, “As for a person bowing when he greets another, doing so is forbidden. It is related in At-Tirmidhee that people asked the Prophet (Pbuh) if it is permissible for a man who meets his brother to bow before him? The Prophet (Pbuh) said, ‘No.’ This is because we are forbidden from bowing and prostrating to anyone but Allah ‘Azza-Wa-Jall.”
Without a doubt, prostration signifies a deeper and higher level of worship than does bowing; the meanings of submission and humility are definitely found in a greater degree in prostrating than they are in bowing. Because of the superlative merits and spiritual qualities – such as complete submission and humility -associated with the act of prostration, the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) in a Hadeeth related by Ibn ‘Abbaas (Pbuh) said, “As for the prostration, strive hard to supplicate [while in that position], for [when you supplicate while prostrating] you are deserving and worthy of being answered. “[Muslim, 479]
Therefore, since prostration involves a great deal of glorification for its object, it is Haram (forbidden) for one to perform it to anyone other than to Allah (Swt). The proof for this ruling is Hadeeth wherein it is mentioned that when Mu’aadh (R.A) returned from Ash-Sham, he performed prostration to the Prophet (Pbuh) (not the prostration of worship but that of conferring honor). The Prophet asked,”What is this, 0 Mu’aadh?”
He (R.A) said, “I went to Ash-Sham, and I came across its people prostrating to their priests and leaders, and I wanted in myself to do the same with you.” The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Do not do so, but were I to order anyone to perform prostration to other than Allah, I would have ordered a woman to perform prostration to her husband. And by the One Who has the soul of Muhammad in His Hand, a woman does not fulfill the right of her Lord until she fulfills the right of her husband. If a man asks a woman for herself (i.e., asks her to engage in intercourse with him) while she is on a Qatab (what is placed on the hump of a camel underneath the rider; i.e., even if a woman is in such a situation and her husband asks her to come to him for the said purpose, she should not refuse. Therefore, she should definitely not refuse him in less busy circumstances), she should not refuse him.” [Ahmad, 18913]
A Reminder About Prostration: When you perform prostration, you place the noblest part of your body, your face, on the ground, a place that is trampled by feet, in order to glorify, magnify, and worship Allah (Swt). While in that position, the believer enjoys the spiritual bliss of supplication more so than in any other position. How perfect, then, is Allah, to Whom worshippers perform prostration, recognizing His perfection and His exaltedness above any possible fault, with their saying, “Subhaana Rabbiyal-‘Aalaa (How perfect my Lord is, the Most High).”
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