The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Brothers
1) Choosing A Companion And Friend
2) Loving Someone For Allah (Swt)
3) Important Elements Of Friendship: Cheerfulness, Gentleness, Love, And Kindness
4) It is Recommended, As A Sign Of True Brotherhood, To Be Sincere And To Give Sincere Advice
5) Mutual Cooperation Among Brothers
6) Being Humble And Not Proud Or Haughty When Dealing With One’s Brother
7) Good Manners
8) Having A Heart That Is Free From Rancor, Grudge, And Enmity
9) Having Good Thoughts About One’s Brothers And Not Spying On Them
10) Forgiving Others Their Mistakes And Controlling One’s Anger
11) The Prohibition Of Jealousy, Of Hatred, And Of Cutting Off Ties With Other Muslims
12) The Prohibition Of Calling People By Nicknames [That They Dislike]
13) It Is Recommended To Make Peace Between Brothers
14) The Prohibition Of Al-Mann (Reminding Others Of One’s Generosity)
15) Keeping A Secret And Not Spreading It
16) The Evilness Of Being A Person Of Two Faces

The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Brothers

Allah (Swt) said: “Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqun [pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden) and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained)]” (Qur’an 43:67)

Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “A man is upon the religion of his Khaleel (very close, intimate friend; Khaleel denotes the highest form of friendship), so let [each] one of you be careful about the person he chooses to be his intimate friend.” [Ahmad, 8212]

1) Choosing A Companion And Friend

From Abu Hurairah’s above-mentioned Hadeeth, we learn that a person leads a similar life to his friend. It is only natural that you befriend a person whose religion and manners you approve of and that you avoid the company of a person whose religion and manners you dislike. Friends have such a great influence on one another that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Do not keep company with anyone except for the believer, and let no one eat your food (as a guest) except for At-Taqee (the righteous person).” [Ahmad, 10944]

This prohibition is not limited to disbelievers and hypocrites; to the contrary, it also means that it is forbidden to keep company with evildoers and people who perpetrate the major sins. Because they perpetrate deeds that Allah (Swt) forbids, their company has a negative influence on the religion of their friends. The Prophet’s saying, “And let no one eat your food (as a guest) except for At-Taqee (the righteous person),” applies to food you serve to guests you invite and not to food you give to people who are needy. Allah (Swt) said: “And they give food, in spite of their love for it (or for the love of Him), to the Miskeen (poor), the orphan, and the captive.” (Qur’an 76:8)

The captives of the Muslims were disbelievers; they were neither believers nor righteous persons, yet Muslims were still encouraged to feed them. So the Prophet (Pbuh) forbade only that a Muslim should keep company with a person who is not righteous, by mixing with him and by eating meals with him. When two people eat together, they develop a sense of love and friendship for one another, and a person should limit those feelings to those who are righteous.

No matter how careful you are, and no matter what you think to the contrary, an evil companion will have a negative impact on your character, and that is only one of the ways he will harm you. Abu Moosa Al-Ash’aree (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “The example of a righteous companion and an evil one is that of a carrier (seller) of Al-Musk (best kind of perfume) and a blower of bellows. As for the carrier of Al-Musk, either he will give [Al-Musk to you as a gift, or you will buy from him, or you will find a pleasant odor emanating from him. And as for the blower of bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you will find a foul odor emanating from him.” [Muslim, 2628]

2) Loving Someone For Allah (Swt)

It The highest level of brotherhood is to love someone not for material gain, not to achieve an important position, not for any short-term or long-term worldly benefit – but only for the sake of Allah (Swt). When you love someone only for the sake of Allah (Swt) you have reached the pinnacle of friendship, and what remains is for both of you to remain careful not to allow any worldly benefits to enter into and spoil your friendship. If you love someone only for the sake of Allah (Swt), strive to maintain that pure love in order to enjoy success in the Hereafter. Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Verily, Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: Where are those who love one another because of My Loftiness (and Exaltedness); today I will give them shade in My Shade, a day on which there is no shade except for My Shade.” [Ahmad, 7190]

Mu’aadh Ibn Jabal (R.A) reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) say, “Allah Tabaraka Wa-Ta’aalaa (Blessed is He and Exalted) said: My love is compulsory for those who love one another for Me; for those who sit with one another for Me; for those who visit one another for Me; and for those who spend [charity] on one another for Me.” [Ahmad, 22030]

And in yet another Hadeeth, Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “A man once visited a brother of his in another village, and Allah (Swt) appointed an angel to lie in wait for him on the road he was taking. When the man came upon the angel, the latter said, ‘Where do you wish to go?’ The man said, ‘I want [to visit] a brother of mine in this valley.’ The angel asked, ‘Do you have some blessing or favor upon him [for which you are going to him (i.e., is it some worldly benefit or calling that prompted you to visit him)]?’ He said, ‘No, except that I do indeed love him for Allah ‘Azza Wa-Jall (i.e., that is the only reason that prompted me to visit him).’ The angel said, ‘I am indeed a messenger of Allah, sent to you, to inform you that Allah indeed loves you as you have loved your brother for Him.” [Muslim, 5267]

Related Issue: If you love your brother for the sake of Allah (Swt) you should let him know, and as a result, your love for one another will become even stronger and more stable. Anas Ibn Maalik (R.A) and others reported that a man was with the Prophet (Pbuh) when another man passed by. The man with the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “0 Messenger of Allah, I indeed love him.” The Prophet (Pbuh) asked him, “Did you inform him [about your love]?”

He (R.A) said, “No.” The Prophet (Pbuh) said, 11, “Then inform him.”

The man with the Prophet (Pbuh) caught up to the other man and said, “Verily, I love you for the sake of Allah.” The other man said, “May Allah, for Whose sake you love me, love you.” [Ahmad, 13123]

Another Related Issue: When two people love each other for the sake of Allah (Swt), they should search their hearts every once in a while and check – has anything mixed with their love and contaminated its purity? It is important to remember that, although you might begin by loving someone purely for Allah (Swt), your friendship might change over time, becoming worldly in nature, whereby both of you seek some form of material gain from the other. Also, when two men love each other for Allah (Swt) or when two women love each other for Allah (Swt) they should be careful not to surpass the proper limits of brotherhood and sisterhood. By this I mean that extreme and extravagant feelings could lead, if unchecked, to a man falling in love with another man and a woman falling in love with another woman.

3) Important Elements Of Friendship: Cheerfulness, Gentleness, Love, And Kindness

When you meet your brother, at the very least you should meet him with a smile and a cheerful face. It is basic Islamic etiquette for a Muslim to meet his brother with a smile every time he meets him. Abu Dharr (R.A) said, “The Prophet (Pbuh) said to me, `Do not disparage in the least any good deed, even if it is to meet your brother with a cheerful face. ” [Muslim, 2626]

And this is from the narration of Jaabir (R.A): “Every good deed is charity (Sadaqah), and indeed, it is a good deed to meet your brother with a cheerful face…” [Ahmad, 14299]

Gentleness, love, compassion, and kindness – these strengthen the ties of brotherhood, for, “Allah loves Ar-Rifq (gentleness and kindness) in all matters (in both worldly and religious matters).”[Ahmad, 23570] And Allah (Swt) is “Rafeeq (kind, gentle, merciful), and He loves Ar-Rifq (kindness, gentleness, and mercy). He gives for gentleness that which He does not give for harshness and that which He does not give for anything else.”  [Muslim, 2593] Ibn Mas’ood (R.A) related that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Forbidden upon the Hellfire is every easygoing, flexible, easy-to-deal-with, and easy-to-be sociable-with person.” [Ahmad, 3928]

One of the ways of increasing love between brothers and of removing rancor from their hearts is for them to give gifts to one another. In his Muwattah, Maalik related that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Shake hands with one another: rancor will go away [from your hearts]. And give gifts to one another: you will love one another and [all] enmity [between you] will go away.” [Al-Muwattah, 1685]

4) It is Recommended, As A Sign Of True Brotherhood, To Be Sincere And To Give Sincere Advice

An-Naseehah (sincerity and sincere advice) is encouraged in the Shariah, and it was a part of the Bai’ah (pledge of allegiance) that the Companions (R.A) would give to the Prophet (Pbuh). Jareer Ibn ‘Abdullah (R.A) said, “I made Bai’ah (pledged allegiance) to the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) upon [the pledges to] establish prayer, give Zakaat, and An-Hush (sincerity, sincere advice, and wanting good for someone) for every Muslirn.” [Ahmad, 18760] That the Prophet (Pbuh) mentioned An-Naseehah alongside prayer and Zakaat, which are both pillars of Islam, shows its importance and significance in Islam. In another Hadeeth, Tameem Ibn Aous Ad-Daaree (R.A) related that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Religion is An-Naseehah.”

Tameem (R.A) related, “We said, ‘To whom, 0 Messenger of Allah?”‘ He (Pbuh) said, “To Allah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the Imams of the Muslims, and to the Muslim masses.” [Muslim, 55]

The Prophet’s saying, “The religion is An-Naseehah,” means that An-Naseehah is the best and most complete aspect of religion.

Ibn Al-Jawzee explained the meaning of An-Naseehah in the context of the above-mentioned Hadeeth: “Know that An-Naseehah to Allah (Swt) means defending His religion and standing up to those who associate partners with Him in worship, even though He (Swt) is in no need of that help from you; the benefit of doing that returns to you. An-Naseehah to Allah’s Book means to defend it (from those who attack it) and to consistently recite it. An-Naseehah to Allah’s Messenger means establishing his Sunnah and inviting others to his message. An¬Naseehah to the Imams of the Muslims means to obey them, to perform Jihad with them, to preserve and live up to their Bai’ah (pledge of allegiance), and to give them advice that is free from praises that only lead to delusion. An-Naseehah to the Muslim masses means to want good for them; this includes educating them, or at the very least teaching them what they need to know, and guiding them to the truth.”

Therefore, to be sincere to your brother, you must want for good to befall him, you must clarify the truth to him, and you must not, through flattery, deceive him about the truth. Similarly, you must order him to what is good and forbid him from what is evil. By flattering your brother and being flexible with him in the sense that you tolerate his falsehood, all in the name of brotherhood, you are not showing the sincerity that the Prophet (Pbuh) commanded Muslims to show. True, wisdom is necessary when you give advice to your brother; nonetheless, you must clarify the truth to him, especially if you are able to do so.

5) Mutual Cooperation Among Brothers

As in all other matters of the religion, the best example we have here is the example of the Prophet (Pbuh) the honor of prophethood did not prevent him (Pbuh) from participating with his Companions and helping them in community affairs. When he first arrived in Madeenah, the Prophet (Pbuh) himself participated with his Companions in building his Masjid. Anas (R.A) said, “As they would move a stone, while the Prophet (Pbuh) was with them, they would read poetry. And the Prophet (Pbuh) would say, ‘0 Allah, there is no goodness except for the goodness of the Hereafter, so forgive the Ansaar and (the original dwellers of Madeenah) the Muhaajirah (those who migrated to Madeenah from Makkah).” [Muslim, 524]

Similarly, the Prophet (Pbuh) lent a helping hand on the Day of Khandaq. Jaabir (R.A), said, “Verily, we were digging trenches on the Day of Khandaq when a hard piece of earth appeared (got in the way of the digging). They went to the Prophet (Pbuh) and said, ‘This is a large piece of earth that has appeared in the trench.’ Then he (Pbuh) said, ‘I will descend [into the trench].’

He (Pbuh) then stood, and around his stomach was tied a rock (they would tie a rock around their stomach to alleviate the severity of their hunger); three days had passed without us having tasted any food. The Prophet (Pbuh) took an axe (or a mallet) and struck [the large piece of earth] until it (the large piece) became a sand-hill that had small pieces falling from its sides or that was not holding together…” [Bukhaaree, 4101]

Abu Moosa (R.A) reported that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “A believer and another believer are together like a building: parts of it strengthen its other parts.” The Prophet .0, then interlocked his fingers. [Muslim, 2585]

Muslim brothers need one another; together they can help, fulfill the need of the poor among them or they can intercede on behalf of one who needs a good intercession (good meaning, an intercession that is lawful) to fulfill one of his needs. And there are many other ways in which they can work together and help one another: “And Allah helps His slave as long as His slave helps his brother.” [Ahmad, 7379]

6) Being Humble And Not Proud Or Haughty When Dealing With One’s Brother

Humbleness and easygoingness help brothers, develop enduring and strong relationships with one another; conversely, pride and haughtiness divide and cause the ties of brotherhood to weaken. ‘Iyaadh Ibn Himaar (R.A) related that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Verily, Allah has revealed to me that you should be humble with one another, until no one is haughty with another, and no one transgresses against another.” [Muslim, 2865]

We should notice that haughtiness is coupled with transgression in this Hadeeth; that is because pride and haughtiness lead to transgression, wrongdoing, and oppression.

To be sure, people are not at the same level in terms of lineage, status, and wealth. It is Allah’s Sunnah in the creation and it is from His perfect Wisdom that people differ in those three matters; He (Swt) raises some above others. But that disparity among people does not justify some of them being haughty or proud towards others. To the contrary, when a person of noble lineage or a wealthy person or a person of high status in society is humble with his brothers for the sake of Allah (Swt) two things happen: first, his ranking increases with Allah (Swt), and second, he will gain acceptance among the people. Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “No one shows humbleness for Allah except that He (Allah it) raises him.” [Muslim, 2588]

7) Good Manners

A person is indeed blessed if Allah (Swt) attires him with the raiment of good manners. When a person is known for his good manners, people speak well of him and his status is raised among them. A smiling face, patience in the face of hardship, holding back anger – these and other noble qualities combine to make up the definition of ‘good manners.’ Ibn Mansoor said, “I asked Abu ‘Abdullah about good manners, and he said, ‘For you to not flare up in rage, nor even to become angry…” Giving another definition of good manners, Ishaaq Ibn Raahawiyyah said, “It is to have a cheerful face, to not become angry, and other similar qualities.”

To be sure, the best of people are those that have the best manners. The Prophet (Pbuh) who had the best of manners, said, “The best among you is the best among you in manners.” [Ahmad, 6468]

This is one of the supplications the Prophet (Pbuh) would make to begin his prayer: “…Guide me to the best of characters for none can guide to it other than You, and deliver me from the worst of characters for none can deliver me from it other than You…” [Muslim, 771]

If you have a noble character, people will love you and desire your company and find comfort in your talk. Conversely, a person who has bad manners will be boring in his talk; his company will repel others, and when others are in his company, they will feel uncomfortable and annoyed by his very presence. It is related that Al-Fudail Ibn ‘Iyaadh said, “When a person’s character is bad, then also bad (and poor) is his practice of the religion, his status, and his share of love [among the people].”

Good manners play an important role in relationships among brothers. When two brothers have good manners, their hearts will become united and all malice will be emptied from their hearts. They will then meet each other with smiling faces, and they will choose the best of conversation for their meetings; they will avoid base talk, and when one of them makes a mistake, the other will find an excuse for him.

8) Having A Heart That Is Free From Rancor, Grudge, And Enmity

This is from the Prophet’s supplications: “And remove the rancor of my heart.”

And in the narration of At-Tirmidhee, “And remove the rancor of my breast.” [Ahmad, 1998] Few are those who are free from feelings of rancor and malice — few because it is difficult for a person to give up his rights to others. If you manage to meet the wrongdoing and ignorance and transgression of others with a pure heart that is free of malice, if you manage not to reciprocate their evil with another evil, and if you manage not to hate them for the wrong they did to you, then you have reached a very high level of nobility and goodness in your character. Though few are they that reach that level, it is made easy for people when Allah (Swt) makes it easy upon them. Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Swt) said, “The believer is Ghirr (one who is not deceptive by nature, and one who is deceived because of his kind disposition and noble character) and noble; the evildoer is Khibb (clever and deceptive, always looking for ways to deceive people) and ignoble. “[At-Tirmidhee, 1964]

A believer is praiseworthy in this sense not because he is ignorant or stupid, but because he possesses a noble character: he is ingenuous by nature and does not try to search out for evil or deceptive means to achieve his ends. People are able to deceive him because, being good, he gives others the benefit of the doubt, and he has a heart that is free from rancor and malice. The evildoer, on the other hand is, “Khibb and ignoble,” which means that he is miserly and deceptive, and that he possesses an evil character.

9) Having Good Thoughts About One’s Brothers And Not Spying On Them

You should have good thoughts about your Muslim brothers. When they make a mistake, give them the benefit of the doubt; and when they say something you don’t like, interpret their words in such a way that reflects best on their character. We have been forbidden from Adh-Dhan, which literally means suspicion, and which we will explain in more detail shortly. Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Beware of Adh-Dhan (suspicion), for indeed, Adh-Dhan is the most false of speech. Do not follow up on the [private] affairs of others and do not spy [on others]…” [Muslim, 2563]

We said that Adh-Dhan means suspicion, and the Prophet (Pbuh) explained that Adh-Dhan is the most false of speech, but what level of suspicion is this referring to? And what does Adh-Dhan mean in the context of the prohibition? Al-Khattaabee said, “It refers not to thoughts that wander in a person’s mind, for a person does not have control over such thoughts; instead, it refers to when suspicion becomes a stable reality and when one give credence to his suspicions.” The suspicion or Adh-Dhan that is prohibited, then, is that suspicion that continues to thrive in a person’s heart until it becomes stable there. This does not include the suspicion that, like a notion, comes and then goes, gaining no stability in a person’s heart. We have hitherto related this Hadeeth: “Allah Ta’aalah (the Exalted) pardons what the [people of] this Nation say [in their souls] as long as they do not [orally] speak [of what passes in their minds and souls] or set out to realize [what they think].” And we previously mentioned that this refers to thoughts that come and then go and that find no stability in a person’s heart and mind. In giving a slightly different definition to Adh-Dhan, Al-Qurtubee said, “The meaning of Adh-Dhan here is an accusation that has no cause (basis) to it.” This occurs, for example, when a person accuses a man of Al-Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.) without any indications of that evil being present on him. And that is why the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “And do not spy,” after he (Pbuh) said, “Beware of Adh-Dhan.” A person first develops the idea of a suspicion or accusation in his mind, and then he sets out to spy, in order to see if he was right; and both Adh-Dhan and spying are forbidden. The above-mentioned Hadeeth corresponds to the saying of Allah (Swt): “Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another.” (Qur’an 49:12)

The context and phrasing of the verse show how important it is to protect the honor of one’s fellow Muslim. First, Allah (Swt) mentioned the prohibition of Adh-Dhan (suspicion). But then if a person is suspicious about someone else and says, “I will search out and see if what I think is true,” it should be said to him, “And spy not”.

If he says, “I am sure of what I think without the need to spy,” it should be said to him, “Neither backbite one another.”

Related Issue: One of the ways to have good thoughts about your brother is to give him the benefit of the doubt. If some of his words are conveyed to you, and if you are not pleased with those words, interpret them in the best possible way, in the way that reflects best on his character. Search out for an excuse and say, “Perhaps he really meant such and such or such and such,” and continue doing so until you run out of excuses for him.

10) Forgiving Others Their Mistakes And Controlling One’s Anger

When you mix with other people, among you there is sure to occur some misunderstandings and even wrongdoing and transgression, either in speech or in deed. If you are wronged, you should control your anger and forgive the person who wronged you. Allah (Swt) said: “And those who avoid the greater sins, and Al-Fawaahishah (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and when they are angry, they forgive.” (Qur’an 42:37)

And Allah (Swt) said: “…who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the good-doers)” (Qur’an 3:134)

“Who repress anger” refers to people who are wronged by others, who should naturally be angry as a result, who should naturally desire to seek retribution in speech or in deed, but who do not act according to their natural inclinations; instead, they repress the anger that is in their hearts and show patience to those who wronged them.

“And who pardon men” means to forgive everyone who wronged you, regardless of whether they wronged you in speech or in deed. To pardon someone is at a higher level than repressing anger. When you repress your anger, you abstain from seeking retribution. When you forgive someone, you do the same, but you also pardon him, thus cleansing your heart more completely. Only a person who adopts noble manners can reach that level, a person who seeks to do business with Allah (Swt). By forgiving Allah’s slaves, by showing mercy and kindness to them, and by disliking for evil to befall them, one achieves in return not the reward of that slave, but the reward of Allah (Swt), the Most Generous. Allah (Swt) said: “But whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah.” (Qur’an 42:40)

When a person controls his anger even though he is able to exact revenge, he is promised a great reward. Mu’aadh Ibn Anas Al¬Juhanee (R.A) related that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Whoever represses his anger while he is able to execute it (i.e., he is able to exact retribution), Allah will call him before all of the creation, until Allah will let him choose from any of the Al-Hoor Al-Een (fair maidens of Paradise that have beautiful, wide eyes) he wants.” [At-Tirmidhee, 2021]

When you forgive someone for a mistake or an act of transgression, you are not showing a sign of weakness; to the contrary, you are showing the nobility and honor of your character. Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah said, “Charity does not cause wealth to decrease; Allah does not increase a slave for forgiveness with anything other than honor. And no one shows humbleness for Allah except that He (Allah) raises him.”

Ahmad related it thus: “And a man does not forgive a transgression except that Allah increases him in honor.” [Ahmad, 7165] Brothers who love one another for the sake of Allah (Swt) are most worthy of forgiving each other for their mistakes. Consequently, their love for one another will increase, and their hearts will remain pure.

Related Issue: To forgive someone also means to accept his apology. Al-Hasan Ibn ‘Alee (R.A) said, “Were a person to curse me in this ear of mine and to apologize in the other, I would accept his apology.” And Al-Ahnaf said, “If a person apologizes to you, then meet him with cheerfulness.”

11) The Prohibition Of Jealousy, Of Hatred, And Of Cutting Off Ties With Other Muslims

Anas (R.A) reported that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Do not hate one another, do not be jealous of one another, do not turn your backs on one another (i.e., do not cut off ties from one another), and be Allah’s slaves – brothers unto one another. And it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.” [Muslim, 815]

There are two kinds of jealousy: one is base and ignoble, and the other is praiseworthy. Having the former kind, one wishes for other people to lose the blessings they have; this is a form of transgression and wrongdoing. Having the latter kind – for which the term envy is perhaps more suitable – one wants the same blessings that others have, without wanting others to lose what they have. And the Prophet (Pbuh) intended this form of envy when he (Pbuh) said: “There is no [lawful] jealousy except in [the case of] two [people]: a man whom Allah has given [knowledge of] the Book; he stands with it (i.e., reciting it) throughout the night (i.e., it is permissible to be jealous of this person with the kind of jealousy that we described above as being praiseworthy); and a man to whom Allah has given wealth, and so he gives it in charity throughout the night and day.’ [Ahmad, 4905]

Related Issue: When you forsake or boycott your brother, your motive is either to uphold one of Allah’s rights – so you are censuring your brother for violating one of the teachings of the religion – or to uphold your personal honor or interests or anything similar. If you boycott your brother for a personal right — you feel he wronged you, for example — then you may not forsake his company for more than three nights; hence this saying of the Prophet (Pbuh) applies to you: “The Gates of Paradise are opened every Monday and Thursday, and every slave who does not associate any partners with Allah is forgiven, except for a man between whom and his brother there is enmity. Then it is said [about them], ‘Give delay to these two until they become reconciled. Give delay to these two until they become reconciled” [Ahmad, 7583]

At-Tirmidhee related it thus: “Except for two people who have forsaken each other’s company (i.e., they neither greet one another nor speak to one another). It is said, ‘Reject these two until they become reconciled.”‘

But if you boycott your brother because of Allah’s right – for example, you boycott a person who openly sins until he repents -then the limit of three days does not apply; you may continue your boycott as long as there is overweighing benefit in doing so. This occurred during the life of the Prophet (Pbuh) when he boycotted the three Muslims that remained behind from one of his battles; he (Pbuh) established ties with them again only after Allah (Swt) revealed verses, announcing that He accepted their repentance.

Another Related Issue: Shaikh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah — may Allah have mercy on him — said, “The scale of this kind of boycott (referring to the kind that is for Allah’s right) depends on the resources, strength, and number of the people who are carrying out the boycott. The entire point of the boycott is to censure and castigate a person for some sin, in the hope that he will repent; and to deter other people from perpetrating the same sin. If the boycott leads to an overweighing benefit — evil becomes weaker or becomes hidden — then it is legislated. But if neither the person being boycotting nor anyone else changes for the better or changes, but for the worse, or if the person boycotting him is weak, whereby the evil that will result from his boycott will be greater than its good, then boycotting is not legislated. In some cases and for some people, therefore, acting kindly leads to better results than does boycotting and breaking off ties; and in other cases, it is boycotting that produces better results. And that is why the Prophet (Pbuh) would invite some people through acts of kindness and other people through boycotting and breaking off ties.”

Another Related Issue: We pointed out that the Shariah limited the duration of a boycott or of a cutting off of ties to three days when the motive is a personal one. When you have a fallout with your brother, you may not avoid greeting him and talking to him for more than three days. The wisdom behind this ruling is that, through social interaction, people often have cause to become angry. When that happens, a Muslim is given permission to cut off ties with his brother for three nights; that period is sufficient to allow the intensity of his anger to abate. Similarly, a woman may mourn (the outward manifestation of mourning means to show sadness by avoiding adornment and perfume) for other than her husband for three days, and no more — for the exact same reason. Death is from the greatest of afflictions, and when a close relative or friend dies, sadness certainly enters one’s heart. Hence a person is allowed to vent that sadness (within the limits set by the Shariah) for a period that is deemed sufficient — three days.

12) The Prohibition Of Calling People By Nicknames [That They Dislike]

In many ways the tongue can be the instrument of not only sin, but of stirring bitterness, hatred, and division among brothers. One such way is for a person to call others by disparaging and insulting nicknames, in order to belittle them and mock them. Allah (Swt) said: “Nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one’s brother after having Faith fi.e., to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: “0 sinner,” or “0 wicked person,” etc.]” (Qur’an 49:11)

The true Muslim is he from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe.

Abu Jubairah Ibn Ad-Dahhaak (R.A) said, “This verse was revealed about Banee (The Children of) Salamah (a sub-tribe): “Nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one’s brother after having Faith to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: “0 sinner,” or “0 wicked person,” etc.]” (Qur’an 49:11)

Abu Jubairah (R.A) said, “When the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) first came to us, every man among us had [at least] two or three names. The Prophet (Pbuh) began to say, ‘0 so and so (calling him by one of his names, which the Prophet (Pbuh) was informed of by others).’ They said, ‘Refrain [from calling him by that name], 0 Messenger of Allah, for he becomes angry [when he is called] by that name.’ Then this verse was revealed: “Nor insult one another by nicknames.” [At-Tirmidhee, 3268]

The practice of calling other people by insulting nicknames is common among the masses today; they need to be educated, therefore, about the graveness of that sin. A person who wishes to be safe in the Hereafter must make sure that neither his hand nor his tongue is used as an instrument to attack the honor of Muslims. May Allah (Swt) protect us from the evils of the tongue.

13) It Is Recommended To Make Peace Between Brothers

Misunderstandings and disputes among brothers are inevitable, and when a dispute occurs between two brothers, they might harbor a grudge in their hearts against each other. A person who is guided to goodness in this regard is one whom Allah (Swt) makes a peacemaker – a mediator who helps reconcile the differences between two disputing parties. Abu Ad-Dardaa (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “Shall I not inform you of what is better in degree than fasting, prayer, and charity?”

The Companions (R.A) said, “Yes.” He (Pbuh) said, “Reconciling differences between people, for corruption in the relationships of people is Al-Haaligah (literally, Al-Haaligah means ‘shaver.”

The Prophet (Pbuh) explained this in another narration, saying, ‘It doesn’t shave hair, but it shaves the religion.’ This means that corruption in people’s relationships destroys and uproots their practice of the religion).” [At-Tirmidhee, 2509] The principles and precepts of the Shariah work to unite the hearts and ranks of Muslims. When the Shariah is correctly applied, people will be far away from division and mutual hatred. And that is why a person is allowed to lie when his purpose and intention is to bring peace between two or more people. The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “He is not a liar who makes peace between people, so that he increases goodness or speaks goodness.” [Muslim, 2605]

A person is not sinning when he lies in order to make peace between two people; on the contrary, he is rewarded for trying to bring people closer together and to help remove rancor from their hearts. The Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Every joint of a person has Sadaqah (charity) upon it. Every day upon which the sun rises, and in which one rules justly between two people, one is doing an act of Sadaqah (charity)…”

And in another narration, the wording is, “Between people,” instead of “Between two people.” [Ahmad, 27400]

Righteous people and people of knowledge are most worthy of making peace between people; it is a duty that they must not shirk, especially after they learn the great reward of living up to that duty.

14) The Prohibition Of Al-Mann (Reminding Others Of One’s Generosity)

It is at once a sign of brotherhood and a boost to relationships for people to give gifts to one another. Weak souls give gifts too, but then they remind others of their generosity; and they do so either because they are miserly or because they are self-conceited. Al-Qurtubee said, “For the most part, a person who reminds others of his generosity is either miserly or self-conceited. A miserly person inflates the value of the gift he gave, even if that gift is a trifling thing. The self-conceited person, who overestimates his self-worth in all issues, sees himself as the great benefactor of the person to whom he gave a gift.” Reminding people of one’s favors and generosity is Haram (prohibited), and the person who reminds others of his generosity is in grave danger; in fact, Imam Ahmad stated that reminding others of one’s generosity is one of the major sins. This sin is clearly prohibited in verses of the Qur’an and sayings of the Prophet (Pbuh) for example, Allah (Swt) said: “Those who spend their wealth in the Cause of Allah, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury…” (Qur’an 2:262)

And in the Hadeeth of Abu Dharr (R.A) the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “As for three people, Allah will not speak to them on the Day of Resurrection, nor will He look at them, nor will He purify them; and for them is a painful punishment.”

Abu Dharr (R.A) related that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) repeated that three times, after which Abu Dharr (R.A) said, “They have failed and [truly] lost. Who are they, 0 Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Al-Musbil (a person who allows his garment to hang below the level of his ankles), Al-Mannaan (a person who reminds others of his favors and of his generosity), and a person who promotes his piece of merchandise with a false oath.’ [Muslim, 106]

And in another Hadeeth, which is related by ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (R.A) the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “A Mannaan (a person who reminds others of his favors and of his generosity), an ‘Aaq (a person who is undutiful to his parents), and a person who is addicted to alcohol – none of these enters Paradise.” [Ahmad, 6501]

15) Keeping A Secret And Not Spreading It

You can be entrusted with many things — for example, with the task of safekeeping wealth, of fulfilling a duty, or of preserving a secret. When a person divulges a secret, he betrays his trust, an action that is from the signs of the hypocrites. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he breaks his promise; and when he is trusted, he betrays.” [Ahmad, 8470]

Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah (R.A) related that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “When a man says something and then turns around (to make sure that no one is listening), then it (what he said) is a trust (i.e., a secret that you must keep).” [At-Tirmidhee, 1959]

When you are entrusted with a secret, you may not reveal it to anyone, no matter how close a person is to you. The Prophet (Pbuh) made it clear that a secret is a trust and that it must be kept safe. Even if a person does not outright say, “This is a secret; don’t tell anyone about it,” but instead simply turns around to make sure no one is listening, you must treat what he says as a secret.

Thaabit related a Hadeeth from Anas (R.A) in which the importance of keeping a secret becomes clear. Anas (R.A) said, “The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) came to me while I was playing with other children. He (Pbuh) extended greetings of peace to us, and he then sent me on an errand; so I became delayed in returning to my mother. When I arrived [home], she (R.A) said, ‘What kept you?’ I said, ‘The Messenger of Allah A sent me on an errand.’ She (R.A) said, ‘What was his errand?’ I said, ‘Verily, it is a secret.’ She (R.A) said, ‘Do not tell the Messenger of Allah’s secret to anyone.”‘ After relating this Hadeeth, Anas (R.A) said to Thaabit, “By Allah, were to tell it to anyone, I would have told it to you, 0 Thaabit.” Bukhaaree related it with this wording, “The Prophet (Pbuh) confided a secret to me, and since that time, I have never told it to anyone. Umm Sulaim asked me to [reveal it to her], but I didn’t tell it to her.” [Ahmad, 11649]

16) The Evilness Of Being A Person Of Two Faces

The Prophet (Pbuh) said, “You will find that among the most evil of people with Allah (i.e., among the most evil of people in the judgment of Allah) on the Day of Resurrection is he who is two-faced: who goes to these (a group of people) with one face, and to these (another group of people) with [another] face.” [Muslim, 2526]

Al-Qurtubee said, “A two-faced person is regarded as so evil because he is like a hypocrite; he sweetly talks with falsehood and lies, and he sows dissension among people.” An-Nawawee said, “A two-faced person is one who goes to each group with what pleases it, giving the appearance that he is from it and opposed to its counterpart (or enemy). His action is pure hypocrisy, lying, deception, and trickery…. But if a person goes to two groups in order to make peace between them, then he is doing something that is praiseworthy.” Others have said, “The difference is that a two-faced person praises the group he is with and finds fault with the other group, and he does the same when he is in the company of the other group. On the other hand, the praiseworthy person goes to each of the two groups with words of reconciliation, finding excuses for one group while he is with the other, trying to convey good points of the other group while hiding their faults.”[Fathul-Baaree, 10/490]