~ Imam Abu’l-Faraj ‘Abdu’l-Rahman ibn Jawzi (may Allah have mercy upon him)
INTRODUCTION
THE STAGES OF LIFE
- THE FIRST STAGE
1.1 Encouraging the Disciplining of Children
1.2 Investing in the Intellect of a Child
1.3 Encouraging Marrying the Son off - THE SECOND STAGE
2.1 Protecting the Self and Struggling against Desires
2.2 Encouraging Learning in this Stage - THE THIRD STAGE: The Stage of Maturity
3.1 The Characteristics of this Stage - THE FOURTH STAGE: The Stage of Old age
4.1 [The Good End]
4.2 Reports and Statements of the Righteous - Closure
- Appendices
INTRODUCTION
ALL PRAISE BE TO THE ONE WHO made the different stages of life. During these stages, there are those who submit to Allah’s orders and thereby advance. Others who are a wasteful of this time and thereby struck with loss and regret. Indeed, life has been designated so that people [use] to reach the sought [i.e. Paradise] and to remove all that which causes loss and defect. Whoever lives his life appropriately [as per Allah’s commands], his life will be a trade generating for him, abundantly multiplied profits, whereas the corrupt one who does not act accordingly, will find his soul ruined. A good deed is written as ten full deeds to seven hundred and more, and a sin makes the upright return to the state of disturbance he was at before.
The eternal life in Paradise and the never-ending immortality which is like the immortality of the All-Merciful, can be obtained by investing this short life appropriately, as whoever wastes his life is indeed a loser. Therefore, a sensible person should know the value of his life and should reflect on his state, so that he captures what cannot be restored, if it is missed and because of which he might be ruined for wasting.
THE STAGES OF LIFE
YOU SHOULD KNOW, May Allah grant you success, that the stages of life are five:
The first stage: Starts from birth until puberty and that is fifteen years.
The second stage: Starts from puberty until the end of youth, which is until one reaches thirty-five years of age. This is deemed as the stage of youthfulness.
The third stage: Starts from thirty-five years of age until fifty years of age, and that is the stage of maturity.
The fourth stage: Starts from fifty years of age until seventy years of age, and that is the stage of old age.
The fifth stage: Starts from seventy years of age until death, and that is the stage of decrepitude.
The start and end of these stages may fluctuate from person to person. Nonetheless their stages are five.
1. THE FIRST STAGE: Birth to 15 Years
1.1 Encouraging the Disciplining of Children
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS STAGE is mainly concerning the parents, for [they spend it disciplining, teaching, and leading their child to what benefits him. That said, parents should never slacken in disciplining and teaching their child, because “The effect of learning in early age is like engraving on a stone.”‘
`Ali ibn Abi Talib, May Allah be pleased with him, said – regarding this ayah: “protect yourselves and your families from a fire” [Tahrim (66):6]
“Teach them and discipline them.” [al-Mustadrak, 2/464] Thus the parents should teach the child about religious purity and how to pray, and they should lightly discipline the child’ for not praying after they reaches nine years of age. [Ahmad, 2/187] In addition, they should encourage children to memorise the Qur’an and make them listen to the hadiths [of the Prophet (Pbuh)], and they should teach them – whatever they can handle from knowledge. Moreover, they should show them the ugliness of all that is ugly, and encourage them to acquire good morals and they should not slacken in teaching them as much as they can bear, for this is the stage of plantation.
A poet said,
“Do not neglect disciplining a child,
Despite of his complains about the pain of exhaustion.
And disregard the old,
For he is too old to be disciplined.”
Another said,
“If you straighten the branches of a plant, they will straighten up,
But the wood of a tree does not soften if you amend it.
Discipline might benefit a little boy in his cradle,
But it does not benefit an old man.”
Abdu’l-Malik Ibn Marwan used to love his son al-Walid too much but he overlooked disciplining him. Because of that, al-Walid ended up making mistakes in grammar and syntax. So (Abdu’l-Malik said, “Our love for al-Walid harmed him!”
1.2 Section: Investing in the Intellect of a Child
It is possible that a child might be privileged with intelligence enabling him to know what is good for him. Allah said, And We had certainly given Ibrahim his sound judgement before.” [al-Anbiya (21): 51]
It is mentioned in the Tafsir books that Prophet Ibrahim was three years old when he addressed the planet, the sun and the moon until he reached his final conclusion, as mentioned in the Qur’an, I have turned my face towards Him Who has created the heavens and the earth.” [al-Ana’m (6): 79]
By the time a child reaches five years of age, his intelligence, activeness in good deeds, good choices and his keeping away from lowliness, or the opposite, will manifest itself.
Umar ibn al-Khattab, May Allah be pleased with him, passed by some boys who were playing. When they saw him, they all ran away in different directions except for Ibn al-Zubayr, may Allah be pleased with him, who stood still. So (Umar asked him, “Why didn’t you step aside?” Ibn al-Zubayr said, “The road is not narrow, so I don’t need to make way for you. And I didn’t make a mistake, so I have no reason to fear you.”
A caliph asked the son of his minister, while he was in their house, “Which house is better? My house or your house?” The boy said, “My house!” The caliph asked, “Why?” The boy answered, “Because you are in it.”
The intelligence of a child, the level of his ambitions and endeavours are ascertained by observing his choices. When children gather in order to play, the one with a high ambitions and earnest endeavours would say, “Who is going to be in my team?” while the one with low ambitions and slump endeavours would say, “Who am I going to be with?” and it is noteworthy to know that when a child truly has high ambitions and earnest endeavours he would prefer knowledge over idle play.
1.3 Encouraging Marrying the Son off
When the son becomes a teenager, his father should marry him off because it was mentioned in the hadith, “Whoever’s son reaches puberty, he can marry him off, but doesn’t, and then the son commits a sin, then they will both share the burden of the sin” [Dispraise of hawa, 222-223]
Therefore, it is surprising when a father forgets, how it was like to be a teenager. He forgets the suffering and danger of falling into sin at such age. That said, the father should know and be aware of the fact that his son will be subjected to what he previously went through. Ibrahim al-Harbi said, “The basis of corruption in boys is the influence of other boys on each other.”
However sometimes, in very rare cases, a child may opt for knowledge over marriage and keep teaching himself patience; for instance, Ahmad ibn Hanbal, may Allah have mercy on him, did not get married until after he was forty.” [Manaqib al-Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, 373]
2. THE SECOND STAGE: Youth 15-35 Years
2.1 Protecting the Self and Struggling against Desires
THE SECOND STAGE starts from puberty until the end of youth, and it is the most prominent stage of struggling against the self, hawa (the desires) and Satan. By spending this period keeping oneself out of harm, one gets immensely closer to Allah, Exalted is He. However, being neglectful during it, is a cause of great loss. Whoever can endure the temptation of sins patiently without falling into them deserves to be praised, just as Yusuf (alayhi as-salat wa salam) was praised for his patience, for if he had sinned, he would not have been what he had become.
The Prophet (Pbuh) said, “Your Lord is amazed at an energetic young man whose desires of women are restrained.” [Ahmad, 4/151] Allah, Exalted is He, said in a hadith Qudsi, “O young men! Whoever leaves his desire for My Sake, your status to me is like the status of one of my angels.” [al-Bidayah wal-Nihayah, 9/25]
2.2 Encouraging Learning in this Stage
A Young man should know that from the day he reached puberty it has become obligatory upon him to know Allah, may He be exalted, by evidence and not by imitation. And it is enough of evidence that he reflects on himself and the way his organs are organised. As a result, he should realize that this organisation must have an organizer, exactly as a construction must have a constructor.
One should also know that he has two angels who accompany him his whole life, and write his deeds and they display them before Allah, May He be exalted and glorified, Allah said, ” And indeed, [appointed] over you are keepers, Noble and recording; They know whatever you do. “[al-Infitar 82: 10-12]
Muhammad Ibn ul-Fadl said, “For the last forty years, I have not dictated to my recorder to record even one bad deed. If I did, I would be ashamed of both of them (i.e. the two angels).” [Sifat al-Safwah, 4/165]
Therefore, a slave [of Allah] should look at what ascends from his deeds. If he commits a sin, he should wipe it out with repentance and making up for it. And he should lower his gaze because Allah, Exalted is He, said, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze.” [Nur 24: 30]
Allah, Exalted is He, said in a hadith Qudsi, “Looking at the beauty of a woman is an arrow of the arrows of Satan. Whoever leaves it for the Sake and Pleasure of Allah; I will immerse his heart with Iman, so that he will find its sweetness in his heart.” [al-Hakim, 4/313-314]
And hence, whoever lowers his gaze shall be safe. A person should be content with having one woman and should not take the advantage of permissibly of enjoying more than one woman, for it disperses the heart and weakens the strength, and the desires for women have no end.
One of the righteous predecessors used to say to himself, “I possess nothing except this morsel [of bread] and this woman [i.e. wife], so be patient or die.”
Many people shed tears of regret when reaching age of maturity because of the sins they have committed and good deeds they have neglected during their stage of youth. Therefore, in this stage of youth, the one who eventually will become weak should lengthen the night prayers (also known as Qiyamul-Layl) while he still can, and the one who eventually will not be able to fast should fast a lot.
People are of three types: firstly, those who spend their life doing plenty of good deeds, and those are the successful. Secondly, those who combined good deeds with bad deeds, and fell short and those are the losers. And finally, the people of sins and long heedlessness, and those are the ruined. Having said that, a young man should reflect on which category he falls under, for his position, of youthfulness, is unique. Therefore, he should appreciate the value of what he can do in this time and also the great reward as a result.
For that reason, one should hold fast to patience! Because he who seeks eternal pleasure in the Hereafter will be able to endure even being unmarried despite of his youthfulness and lust, and as a result he will be praised for his patience and so he will be told “This is your day!”. And he who sinned during his youthfulness should reflect on the great satisfaction and achievement he has missed out on. For nothing remains from sins except lasting regret, which he feels distressed by every time he remembers it. And so remembering it becomes a punishment. Thus, whenever someone tears off the garment of piety, only a fool will buy it off him as it becomes nothing but a deficient merchandise.
Al-Junayd, may Allah have mercy on him, said, “If a man worships Allah for one thousand years, and then he turns away from him for one moment, then what he missed in this moment is more than what he gained [in the one thousand years of worship].” [Hilyatu’l-Auliya, 10/278]
One of the righteous predecessors, May Allah bestow mercy on him, said, “I wish that my both hands were cut, in return the sins of my youth were forgiven.’ [Hilyatu’l-Auliya, 8/304]
[The author, May Allah bestows His mercy on him, said,] “One day I said in a sermon: ‘O youth! You are like a person travelling in the desert while possessing priceless jewels that he intends to sell in the land of reward, so beware of falling into the trap of your treacherous desire so you do not end up selling what you have for less than of what it is worth. Otherwise, when you reach your destination and see those who made great profits, you will cry for your loss and say, `Oh how great is my regret over what I neglected in regard to Allah’.” However, regret shall never restore what has been missed.
From the lines of poetry expressing such meaning that I have composed are the following:
“Youthfulness dispirits the guided,
and misguides, the rebellious and ignorant ones.
Abandoning sins when one is old and his hair is grey,
is not like the one who abandon sins when he is young.
Rejoice if you struggled against your desires patiently,
O friend, yell at idle play and tell its fire to be extinguished.
in the praise that Yasuf received for his patience,
and beware of the hastiness of Adam,
when he was involved in what was corrupted.
So restrain your lust with patience and ensure
you fast continuously, for it will cool you down.
And keep your eyes off unlawfulness and be content
with the lawful you have been blessed with and you will
deserve the praise in the future.
Abandon playfulness for Allah commends those who are patient,
O soul, this is the season so take your provision from it.
Enduring self-desires patiently, is repentance,
so hold fast and oppose your unsettled lust.
You will be praised in the Hereafter if you abandoned your desires,
and you will enjoy the eternal life comfortably.
Verily earning loftiness, lies in the road ahead.”
3. THE THIRD STAGE: The Stage of Maturity
3.1 The Characteristics of this Stage
IN THIS STAGE THERE ARE remnants of youthfulness, and in it the self still inclines towards desires. Nevertheless, during this stage of life a person is more able to struggle against his desires, in spite of the layers of grey hair [i.e. elderliness] that persist to disturb and distant one from the cradle of playfulness. For this reason, the illumination of grey hair, which signals to the path of departure from this life, should be enough warning and alert for a mature man. That said, a mature man should control the remnants of himself, that are still attached and attracted toward his desires, so that he is successful. However, this success is neither comparable, nor equivalent to the success achieved at young age.
Imam al-Shafi`i, may Allah have mercy on him, said about someone who had intercourse with his wife while she is menstruating, that if this intercourse took place in the beginning of her menses, he should pay one Dinar; and if it is towards the end of her menses, then he should pay half a Dinar. This ruling was deduced on the basis that the beginning of the wife’s menses indicate that there was not much time passed before the man had his previous lawful intercourse with his wife [i.e. his lust should be tamed by then and hence he is more capable of controlling himself] therefore he cannot be excused for what he did. On the other hand, knowing that the woman’s menses was almost finished indicated that the man’s previous lawful intercourse with his wife was some time ago [i.e. therefore his energy and lust was active again].[Ahmad, 1/245] Thus, he was excused and the penalty was half of what is ordained in the first case.
[From amongst the lines of poetry that Ibn al-Jawzi, may Allah bestow His Mercy upon him, have said pertaining to this meaning:]
“I noticed grey hair to be a dispersed light,
Enlightening the road so it guides.
The light of youthfulness was a trust I kept,
With me until I gave it back to its owner.”
He (may Allah bestow His Mercy upon him) said:
“I lived while shade of youthfulness extending, and,
The spring shakes and youthfulness is on its peak.
Then the grey hair arrived with its soldiers, like lions from the jungle that made my black hair disappear.
1 was in the dark then the dawn of grey hair shined, and it immediately dismissed the dark night [i.e. black hair].
The blooming spring that was strong became weak and dry, and beaded after it was standing straight.
Death shall arrive so expect it, for life is short and the journey is counted.
Disturbance must take place in life suddenly, for the phase of mortality is impossible.
Hearing has become disabled and no longer can hear sermons, and ignorance has spread while the heart is as hard as a rock.”
He (may Allah bestow His Mercy upon him) also said:
“Would what has gone return to me ever,
or would I ever See its stars sparking from distance.
Whenever I recall my life that has passed,
I revive and awake in a disturbing sorrow.
Invest what has remained and make up for what has gone, as there might be a benefit in what has remained.
The time of youthfulness was amazingly playful, for it was near when I recall myself weaned. Woe to me for what has gone, and for the days that I have wasted foolishly.”
4. THE FOURTH STAGE: The Stage of Old age
4.1 The Good End
IN THE BEGINNING OF OLD AGE there might be remnants of desires, therefore an old man is rewarded according to his level of patience. However, the more one gets old, the weaker his desire gets, and so a sin is not usually sought.
A poet said,
“When the sin was far from you, you have abandoned it,
while the lust is still alive in the heart.
So all praise is to Allah for leaving it,
for it is not you who should be praised.”
Therefore, if an old man commits a sin on purpose, he is worse off, because his desire has already extinguished. This is why the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, “The most detested type of a person to Allah, Exalted is He, is an old person who commits adultery.”‘ Furthermore, there are some old people who degrade themselves on purpose so they wear gold rings [i.e. wearing gold is not only prohibited in Islam, but also considered degrading to men as it entails inappropriate playfulness]. [an-Nasa’I, 2576]
So woe to him whose old age and grey hair did not ward him off what would degrade him, for this is nothing other than a defect in his Iman. Further to the point, a knowledgeable old man might say, “my knowledge should defend and protect me [from harm]” but he seems to forget that his knowledge is evidence against him.
4.2 Reports and Statements of the Righteous
One of our Shaykhs was seen in a dream. In the dream he was asked, `What did Allah do to you?” He answered, “He forgave me while He was turning away from me.” It was said to him, “He forgave you but still was turning away from you?!” He said, “Yes, and He did the same with a group of scholars who did not work in accordance with their knowledge.” I also saw in my dream one of my Shaykhs who used to be negligent [his Islamic duties] during his life, standing naked while three dogs were hanging from his breasts. One of them was a puppy, and it was sucking his breasts.
Yahya Ibn Aktham was seen in a dream and was asked, “What did Allah do to you?” Yahya replied, “He, Exalted is He, said to me, ‘O evil old man, if it was not for your grey hair, I would have burnt you in the hellfire.”
Al-Fudhayl, may Allah bestow His Mercy on him, said, “Seventy sins are forgiven for an ignorant man, before one sin is forgiven for a scholar. [Hilyatu’l Auliya, (8/110) / (7/286)] Allah, Exalted and Glorified is He, said, “Is he who knows like he who does not know?”
Abu’l-Darda’ may Allah be pleased with him said, “Woe one time, to he who does not know and acts!’ And Woe seven times to he who knows and does not act upon his knowledge! [Hilyatu’l-Auliya, 1/211] Thus, if you claim not knowing then now you do know; and if you admit knowing, then there is no ayah that commands or prohibits except that you should abide by it.
I have composed some lines of poetry regarding old age, some of these lines are:
“We were befooled with fake youthfulness,
then suddenly woke up aged in a surprise.
The grey hair enlightened for us a guiding path,
and then we regretted our previous flaws.
I regret a life that its pleasures faded away,
and kept for us nothing but shame and disgrace.
Thus, we weep on what we have done today,
for we have done so many wrongs.
We have nothing left but fear and sadness,
and regret with humiliation and degradation.
Some people entered the house of al-Junyad, may Allah bestow His Mercy on him, when he was dying and they found him bowing and prostrating [i.e. praying]. Despite of his weakness and knowing the moment of his death was very soon, he wanted to fold his legs [i.e. while in prayer to do the Sunnah], but he could not because his legs were paralyzed. One man said, “Why is he doing all this?” Another replied, “This from the graces of Allah! Allah is the Most Great!” [Tabaqat Auliya, 133,134]
Amir ibn Qays used to pray one thousand rak’at every day. [Hilyatu’l Auliya, 2/89] One day a man met him and told him, “Can I have a word with you?” so `Amir said, “Then stop the time, so I can talk with you!” And he told a man who asked him a question, “be quick for I am about to leave”. The man asked him, “What do you mean by that? He said, “My soul will soon leave my body!”
‘Uthman al-Bakilani said, “The time that I hate the most is when I break my fast, because working [i.e. preparing something to eat] busies me from being in the state of dhikr (Allah’s remembrance).”
Dawud at-Ta’i, may Allah bestow His Mercy on him, used to the Fatit [i.e. a mixture of water and pieces of bread] only and not eat the bread in it. When he was asked about that, he said, “Between eating bread and drinking its soup a time that is enough for the reciting of fifty ayahs (verses of the Qu’an).'[Tarikh Baghdad, 8:353]
Some people visited a worshipper and told him, “Did we interrupt you?” He said, “Yes, you did! I was reading [Qur’an] and you prevented me [from continuing].”
Indeed, whoever knows the nobility of life will take advantage of it. In the Sahih books, it was stated that the Prophet (Pbuh) said “Whoever says ‘Subhan Allah wa bi hamdi’, a palm tree is planted for him in paradise.” [at-Tirmidhi, 5/477]
Al-Hasan said, “The land of Paradise is flat and angels keep planting in it. When they slacken, they are asked “Why did you slacken?” They [the angels] say, “Our fellow has slackened.”[Hilyatu’l Auliya, 9/276] So al-Hasan said: Do not make angels feel slackened, may Allah be-stow His Mercy on all of you.
I have seen old people who find comfort in people’s visits, enjoy hearing people’s talks which cause nothing but harms and never bring any benefit and so their time passes in vain. But there is no doubt that if they understood the preciousness of time and their life they would have realised that a tasbihah [i.e. saying ‘Subhan Allah’] is better than all that. This state only occurs because of people’s heedlessness of the hereafter because one is rewarded for one tasbihah -as have been mentioned – and obviously worldly talks bring harm and do not benefit for their hereafter.
Abu-Musa al-Ash`ari, may Allah be pleased with him, used to fast in hot weather so it was said to him, “You are an old man.”
He said, “I’m preparing it for a long day [i.e. Day of judgement].”
A worshipper was once asked: “You should be easy on yourself [i.e. do not exhaust yourself with acts of worship]. He replied: “Indeed, I exhaust myself in worship because easiness is what I am looking for.”
A friend of Sari al-Sagan, may Allah bestow His Mercy on him, went to visit him, so he found a group of people in his house. Thus he said, “O Sari! You [i.e. your house] have become an environment for idlers!” And he left immediately. [Hilyatu’l Auliya, 10/119]
5. Closure
WHOEVER KNOWS THE NOBILITY and privilege of life and its value will not waste a second of it. Thus the young should guard his merchandise [i.e. life], the aged should restrain himself as much as he can, the old should supply himself [with good deeds as he is soon expected] to join his people [i.e. those who have passed away before him], and the decrepit should be cautious for his soul might be taken away from him in any minute.
I ask Allah to benefit us with our knowledge and may He not take away the benefits of our understanding for indeed He is the Most Able to do it.
And may the peace and blessing of Allah be upon
our master Muhammad, his family and
his companions.
6. Appendices:
~ Taken from the writings of Imam Abu’l-Faraj ‘Abdu’l-Rahman ibn Jawzi may Allah have mercy upon him.
6.1 Averting Indolence
LOVING LEISURE, PREFERRING idleness and the perceived difficulty of tasks are what lead one to laziness. Bukhari and Muslim reported from Anas ibn Malik (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) that the Prophet (Pbuh) used to frequently say,
“I seek refuge in Allah from grief and distress, old age and laziness.” [Bukhari, 8/98]
Muslim reported in his Sahib that Abu Hurayrah (radiyAllahu’anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) said, “A strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than a weak believer.” [Muslim, al-Qadar 34]
At all times, strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not be helpless. If anything (bad) befalls you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such-and-such, then such-and-such would have happened.’ Rather you should say, ‘Allah preordained this, and whatever He wills He does,’ for the words ‘if only’ open the door to Satan.
Ibn Mas’ud (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) said, “I detest a man whom I see idle from striving for this world and the hereafter.”[al-Hilyah, 1/130] He also said, “At the end of time there will be people whose best actions will be blaming each other, also known as the lazy ones.”
Ibn ‘Abbas (radiyAllahu anhu) said, “Slackening married laziness and they gave birth to poverty”
Malik ibn Dinar said, “There is no righteous deed except that there is an obstacle that comes before it, if a person endures it patiently he will reach comfort, and if he fears it he will abstain from it.”
Sufyan, al-Thawri said, “People left riding fast horses, and we have stayed on indolent camels.”
6.2 The Cure for Laziness
The cure for laziness lies in motivating and urging the endeavour by fearing that one may miss the goal, or be blamed, or fall into regret [lest one does not make an effort]. For the regret of a negligent person when he sees the reward of a hard worker is the greatest punishment. Also a person of sound mind should reflect on the negative consequence of indolence, for many a time has leisure lead to regret.
Whoever sees that his neighbour has travelled, returning with profits, his regret will be many times greater than the satisfaction of leisure, similarly if one person becomes brilliant in knowledge and another does not due to his laziness. The intended purpose of these examples is to explain that the pain of missing some-thing exceeds the satisfaction of laziness.
Wise people are unanimous that wisdom is not reached by re-laxation and idleness. Therefore, whoever knows the fruits of laziness will avoid it, and whoever is aware of the fruits of hard work will endure the hardships of the path. Moreover, an intellectual knows that he was not created in vain, rather he, in this world, is like a hired labourer or a merchant.
The span of lifetime in this world, which is practically the life one is given to perform good deeds, and the span of time one is to spend in the grave is like a single moment compared to the eternal dwelling in paradise or in the hellfire.
From amongst the best cures for indolence is reading and reflecting on the biographies of those who strove. Therefore, I wonder at he who would prefer idleness in the sowing season and leaves yielding for the harvesting season.
It was narrated that Farqad said, “You put on the garment of leisure before you started working. Have you not noticed that when a worker starts working he wears his cheapest garment, when he is done, he takes a shower and puts on two clean garments. On the other hand, you wore the garment of leisure, before you even started working.”[Hilyah al-Awliya, 3/47]
6.3 Self-Discipline
THE BASIC PRINCIPLE is that mankind’s nature, disposition is sound and healthy. Whereas disease and defects are extraneous, every child is born upon the fitrah (natural disposition), which is further explicated in knowing that discipline is ineffective except in an intellectual, thus it does not benefit a mule, or a wild animal that is looked after while young, and will not leave hunting when it matures. And you know of the famous story, ‘who informed you that your father was a wolf?’.
Know that within every human being there exists three capacities: A lingual capacity, a lustful capacity, and an anger capacity. That said, he who Allah honoured by bestowing upon him the love of knowledge should care for perfecting his ‘lingual self, by which Allah favoured him over all animals, and with which he shared a common characteristic with angels. He should make this self-capacity predominant over the other two capacities. So that it becomes like the rider, his body becomes like the horse, because a rider should be predominant over a horse due to his elevation, so he be able to lead it wherever he likes and he should be able to slaughter it if he so wishes. Likewise, the lingual capacity should be predominant over the other two capacities, using and ceasing to use them as it likes and whoever is like that truly deserves to be called a human being.
Plato said: “A true human is he whose ‘lingual self’ is stronger than the rest of his other types of selves, because if lustfulness is excessive, a person becomes an animal. If a person releases his Hawa, lives an unrestrictive life, then he becomes displaced from his centre, hence he will become worse than an animal, because that is actually the nature of animals, but, in his case, he has contradicted his [humanly] nature. And when the anger capacity is excessive, humans’ traits become as that of wild and beastly animals. Hence, one should tame his inner self by opposing lustfulness, controlling anger and following the lingual capacity, so as he may become like the angels and avoid worshipping lust and anger.”
6.4 How to Discipline Oneself
Know that discipline of the self is achieved through lenience and moving from one state to another. This should not be done violently but rather leniently, and then he should combine both hope and fear. He strengthens this discipline by keeping good company, leaving bad company, studying the Qur’an, beneficial stories, thinking about paradise, hell and reading the biographies of wise people and ascetics.
Some of the righteous predecessors would desire a sweet treat, and so they would promise themselves to eat it. If they prayed the night prayer they would allow themselves this reward.
Sufyan al-Thawri used to eat whatever he desired and then when he woke up in the morning he would say: “The black man has fed his child!” Scholars and exegetes have always been and continue to be lenient to the self until they have owned and subjugated it.
A neighbour of Malik ibn Dinar said, “One night I heard him saying to himself, ‘That’s how you should be!’ The next morning, I told him, ‘There was no one home with you, so who did you say that to?’ He said, ‘Myself asked me for some bread, it insisted so I restrained it from eating for three days, then I found a dry piece of bread, when I was about to eat it I said, Wait I will get soft bread’ so it [his self] said, ‘I am contented with this.’ So I said, `That’s how you should be!”
Know that if the self knows that you are serious it will also be serious and hardworking, if it knows that you are indolent it will become your master.
A poet said:
A horse rider knows the characteristics of his horse,
so he exhausts it repeatedly, by making it sense fear.
From among the practices of discipline of the self is bringing it to account for every statement, for every action, for every negligence and sin. When its discipline is over, it will appreciate the exhaustion it endured.
Thabit al-Banani said, “I endured the night for twenty years [by praying] and [then] I delighted in the night for twenty years.”
Abu Yazid said, “I kept driving myself to my Lord while it cried, until I drove it while it smiled.”
A poet said:
I still laugh and weep every time I look,
until its eye is tainted with my blood
Nevertheless, one should not forget the rights of the self, which is giving it, its gratifications that do not oppose the object of discipline. For if it is prevented from its aims in general, the heart will become blind, worries will disperse, and the slave will be-come constrained. And know that the estimation of the self with Allah, May He be exalted, is greater than the estimation of the acts of worship. This is why He has permitted the breaking of the fast for a traveller; however, it is only the people of knowledge who understand this.
6.5 Disciplining Children
THE BEST OF DISCIPLINE IS that which is done at a young age. On the other hand, if a boy is left to his own characteristics and matured possessing these characteristics, then changing him would be difficult.
A poet said:
If you straighten the branches they will straighten up,
but wood does not soften if you amend it.
Discipline benefits children gradually,
but it will not benefit those who have aged.
Perseverance in discipline is a significant principle, particularly in regard to children as it benefits them in that good becomes a habit to them.
A poet said:
Do not neglect disciplining a child,
even if he complains of the pain of exhaustion.
Know that a doctor considers the age of the patient, his place, time and then he prescribes the medicine. Likewise, discipline should be suited to each child, and the signs of the success or failure of a child can be noticed from a very early age; a clever child is stimulated by learning and the unintelligent is not availed by learning similar to the way a camel tamer does not become intelligent by practicing sport.
A man once told Sufyan al-Thawri, “We hit our children if they do not pray.” Sufyan told him, “You should rather [encourage them and] give them glad tidings.”
Zubayd al-Yafi used to tell the boys, “Whoever prays will have five walnuts.”
Ibrahim ibn Adham said, “O Son! Seek the knowledge of hadith. I will give you one Dirham for every hadith that you hear.” So on account of this he started to seek the knowledge of hadith.
6.6 Taking Care of the Trust
A father should know that his child is a trust placed in his hands, so he should make him avoid bad company from a young age. He should teach him the good, for a child’s heart is empty and accepts anything that is given to it. He also should make him love shyness and generosity. He should make him wear white clothes. Thus, if he asks to wear coloured clothes then he should tell him that these are the clothes of girls and effeminates. He should tell him the stories of the righteous, make him avoid love poetry, because it is a seed of corruption, he should not prevent him from reading poems about generosity or courageousness, so that he exalts these characteristics and becomes courageous.
If he makes a mistake he should overlook it. His teacher should expose his secrets and mistakes; he should not reprehend him except in private. He should prohibit excessive eating, excessive sleeping, make him accustomed to simple food, minimal sleep for it is healthier. He should be treated with physical exercises such as walking, disciplined by being prohibited from turning his back to people and from sneezing and yawning in their presence. If he chooses to exhibit a bad characteristic, he should be deterred from it excessively before it becomes a habit, and it is fine to discipline him if lenience is of no use. Luqman told his son, “0 Son! Disciplining the son acts as a fertiliser for sowing seeds.”
If the boy is aggressive, his father should be lenient with him. Ibn ‘Abbas said, “The aggressiveness of a boy is an increase in his intelligence.”
6.7 Future of your Child
Wise people used to say, “Your son is like your flower the first seven years, and your servant the second seven years. By the time he reaches fourteen, if you have been good to him then he will he your partner, and if you were bad to him then he will be your enemy.” A child should not be beaten or offended after he reaches puberty, because then he will hope to lose his father in order that he may have his own way. Whoever reaches twenty years of age and has not become righteous, then his godliness is remote, however leniency should be practiced with everyone.
6.8 Awakening After Heedlessness
MY SON, DO NOT LET YOUR PAST carelessness make you lose hope of achieving good, for many people have come back to wakefulness after long sleep. Shaikh Abu Hakim, may Allah bestow His Mercy upon him, told me what follows: ‘When I was a child, I spent my time in idle play and did not pay attention to Sacred Knowledge. Then my father Abu’ Abdullah, Allah bestow His Mercy upon him, wanted to talk to me and said: ‘My son, I will not be here for you forever, so take twenty dinars, open a bread shop and make some money.’ I said: ‘What are you saying?’ So he said: ‘Open a cloth shop then.’
I said: ‘How can you say this to me when I’m the son of the judge of judges ‘Abdullah al-Damaghani?’ He replied: ‘But I do not see you seeking knowledge.’ I said: ‘Give me a lecture right now.’ He did so and I came forward to busy myself with knowledge. From thereon, I began taking the studying of Sacred Knowledge seriously so Allah gave me success in that.”
A colleague of Abu Muhammad al-Halawani, may Allah bestow His Mercy upon him, told me the following: ‘My father died when I was twenty-one and at that time I was known for being idle. When I went to claim a house I had inherited from its inhabitants, I heard them say: The Mudbir, i.e. al-Rabit [he who abandoned the adornment of life] has arrived.’ Having heard this, I said to myself: ‘Is this what they say about me?’ I went to my mother and told her: You will find me in the masjid of Shaikh Abu al-Khattab if you need me.’ I accompanied him and did not leave except for delivering judgments. I then became a judge for a period of time.” I say: “I saw him delivering legal verdicts and debating.”
6.9 The Lives of Our Pious Predecessors
YOU SHOULD AIM TO BE PERFECT and as motivated as man can be, as many people are restricting themselves either to isolation from worldly matters or studying Sacred Knowledge, and only very few combine complete knowledge with complete action. I have acquainted myself with the lives of the Tabi`un and those after them and found the most complete of them to be four: Said ibn al-Musayyib, al-Hasan al-Basri, Sufyan al-Thauri and Ahmad ibn Hanbal may Allah be pleased with them. These were only men but they had high ambitions and determination which we are lacking in many people today. Many of our predecessors were highly motivated, and if you wish to learn about them just read through Sifat al-Safwa. You can ponder over the lives of Sa’id, al-Hasan, Sufyan and Ahmad if you wish as I have dedicated a whole book for each one of them.
6.10 Knowledge and Action Are Intertwined
BE CAREFUL OF BUSYING YOURSELF with mere worship with no learning, as many ascetics and Sufis have gone astray due to acting without knowledge.
Cover yourself with the two beautiful garments that will not make you famous among the material folks with their classiness, nor famous among the ascetics with their ruggedness. Take yourself to account for every glance, word and step you take as you will be asked about all of it.
Those who hear you speak will benefit from your knowledge according to how much you yourself benefit from it. When a preacher doesn’t apply his knowledge his exhortation will flow off the hearts’ surface like water flows off a rock.
So, do not ever preach without an intention and do not walk without an intention. Don’t even swallow a bite without an intention. All of this will become clear to you once you get acquainted with the characteristics of our predecessors.
Books of Muslims 